the eyes say it all
by Ghanaperu
Summary: "The eyes say it all. Katniss may be the best actor in the world, but even she cannot make her smile reach her eyes as President Snow crowns her a victor of the 74th Hunger Games." Reflections from the end of the first book. Slight Katniss/Gale


The eyes say it all. Katniss may be the best actor in the world, but even she cannot make her smile reach her eyes as President Snow crowns her a victor of the 74th Hunger Games. Her soul is too dead, her hands are too angry, and the only thing in her eyes is the cold, cold emptiness that is left as she tries to hide everything else. He may be evil, but he is no fool. And her overly romantic statements and her shy smiles towards Peeta and the way they hold hands during the interview doesn't convince him that she really loves Peeta. He is not blind, and he sees the questioning way Peeta looks at her, asking with his eyes if she is all right. And he sees that she cannot answer him, cannot reassure him - because she is too dead right now to even know herself. And he looks past the emptiness she is holding as the barrier, and the raging fire he sees there scares him. He knows that she will be a enemy to reckon with, and furthermore, he recognizes that she knows he is aware of that fact.

But both of them continue lying. She thanks him for noticing her district token, and he says they must be proud of her. And Peeta is the only one there who does not understand the hidden meaning being communicated, because he is too pure, too honest to participate in such political games. He sees the world as simple, while Katniss sees the complicated layers inside people. That is why she must be the Mockingjay, and he must be the reason. His cool purity will balance out her impulsive fire, for without him she would simply burn herself up. But they do not know this yet.

Right now, the only important thing is accepting the crowns so they can go home. And President Snow lets them both leave, because he is smarter than Katniss gives him credit for. So they take the train ride home, and Peeta asks the question that they both know can't be answered, because he is honest. Katniss answers anyway, and because he is honest he doesn't understand the deeper meaning behind her words. And then they arrive home, and the camera smiles are pasted on. Or rather, camera smile, because Peeta's is real. He is always real.

And like I said at the beginning, the eyes say it all. There is another person here who can read Katniss's eyes like an open book. He stands taller than the crowd, with Prim on his shoulders. She looks at him and their eyes talk. His eyes say that he understands how much of her time away was a pretence, and that he knows everything is different now, and that he is sad about it. Her eyes hold an apology, for the things she did for the cameras, for the way she can never be the friend she was Before. Everything is divided now, into Before and After. The During we do not talk about. And he is sad, and she is sorry - so very sorry - but the thing both sets of eyes say is that they know this is just the way things are. There is no promise of trying to change things, no determination to regain the past. It is scary how fast they both accept it.

Prim is smiling triumphantly, and the crowds are cheering proudly, and Peeta is awed anew at the gift of life. And somewhere far away, a bearded man pays the price of his life for allowing Katniss to have that gift. He gives it willingly, understanding that he doesn't really have any better choice. But the most important thing happening at this moment is not the cheers, the smiles, or even the last breaths of a wasted life. It is the quick look between Katniss and Gale, where he says, sadly hopeful, "I'm still with you" and all she can say is "I'm sorry." Because that is how their relationship will be from now on. He will stand with her until the last desperate end, but all she will ever have to say to him will be "I'm sorry", because she has given herself over to the darkness within and there is no coming back. But he doesn't know that yet.

Right now, all that matters is that she is alive and has made it home. All that matters is that he has another chance to say all the things he suddenly found he had not said, back when he was saying goodbye. All that matters is that she is here, and he can sit next to her and walk with her again. His best friend may be different, but at least she is not dead. And he waits to hug her until the cameras have left, seeing something in her eyes that makes him think she will cry if he does it now. It is torture though, because he wants to touch her, to see for sure that she really did win the Games, that she is really here with him. She comes to hug Prim, and he sees that she is carefully avoiding looking at him. He is not offended though, because he knows it means she cannot. She cares enough about him that she cannot look at him while the cameras are here and keep pretending. So he waits, patiently.

That night, he goes outside in the middle of the night and climbs the fence and walks to the field where they were right before the Reaping. She is there, just like he knew she would be. He drops down next to her and says nothing. Slowly, she turns and looks at him. The blankness in her eyes scares him, but he doesn't say anything. Instead, he gives her a side hug, squeezing her close. She doesn't fight him, or protest that it is weird like she would have Before. Instead, she closes her eyes and wraps her arms around him. He can feel her body trembling, so he takes his jacket off and wraps it around her. It doesn't help though, and she continues to shake. He wants to say something, but he can think of nothing appropriate to say - so he holds her and is silent. Finally she loosens her grip and looks up at him. "Gale?" she asks, and he is angry to hear her strength reduced to this scared question. "I'm here", he says. "It's over now. You're gonna be fine." She gives a little huff of air and pulls away. "No," she whispers. "It's not."

And that is how one story ends, and the next begins.


End file.
